I think I am always thinking about this topic. Not like I sit around being like "oooooh I am soooo loooonely" because really I don't have a ton of time to do that. But when I think about the things that are lacking in my life, friendship is really number one.
Don't get me wrong. I have lots of AMAZING friends. Most of them don't live next door, in fact they live real far away and that's where the problem comes in. Some are wonderful best friends that I should call on the phone more, but don't because I'm lame. Some used to live in the same room as me, and we are fortunate to keep in contact via internet moderately well. Some are so ridiculously busy I just have to think of them fondly and read old emails to have a laugh. I often wonder how I have been blessed with so many hilarious caring wonderful friends. I really should keep in better touch, but part of the issue is I am lazy. When I have a free minute finding the phone seems too difficult, sitting on the couch a much easier option.
Although I could keep better in touch with my friends that live out of state, it seems that I can't manage to see enough of my friends that live within a 3o mile radius of my house. Partly it's my schedule. If my kids don't nap, there are severe consequences that I am unwilling to deal with. Mainly extreme crankiness and waking up all night long. Either way, I am a slave to the naps. Partly it's my friends, they have lives too, and for some reason they aren't always ready to get together in the instant my family becomes ready for some sort of visit/outing. And finally, it's laziness on my part. I could set up more things, but I don't, because I am exhausted and lazy.
Lastly there is my ward. Our last ward was nice, but we didn't get to know too many people. I didn't make a lot of friends the first many months, then after having Harmon I layed in bed with a broken tailbone (among other things) for at least three months making doing much of anything impossible. Wonderful friends came to visit but I really was extremely lonely. No one told me that having a baby would be so isolating. And then when I was able to start getting out more we moved. And this ward has been the same slow start. The first Sunday I remember a few great people saying hello and getting me on the playgroup email list. But I was pregnant and sick and very very tired. And Harmon always managed to be napping during playgroup. And now here we are, almost 10 months into this ward, and I am just starting to make friends. And I hate it. Making friends takes work. It takes time. Time that I don't have and work that I don't want to do. I miss the days of instant friends, people you instantly click with, or even having the time (or energy) to make friendships. Perhaps it's just part of getting older, but it's hard.
I think it's obvious to see the real issue is my lack of effort. A few situational issues contributed to my current state, but there is no reason that I can't: A. keep in better touch with my best friends B. visit with my current local friends more and C. make a better effort to create new friendships close to my house. I guess I will have to either do the work [with great rewards!] or stop complaining about being lonely. Ugh.
