Conquering the Pillowcase

I always have 10011981818 projects I have started or want to start. Some are hard, and some are easy. A long long time ago I bought pillow inserts with the intention to make cases for them. That should have been extremely easy. But for some reason I never got around to it. Something about a lot of kids or whatever. But victory is mine, as I finally made some with some old fabric I had lying around. Just 10011981817 projects left to go.

Sometimes I wonder.

I commonly am struck with the feeling that I'm not getting my fair share of trials. And what I mean by that is that I am not getting the really awful and difficult ones people around me seem to get. Don't get me wrong, I have problems and trials and such, but when I look around I can't help but notice mine seen weak in comparison.

And then I wonder. Is there something bigger? Like some awful trial that I am "saving up"? I realize it doesn't really work like that, but it still makes me a little bit nervous. I had better just enjoy the easier trials of every day life I suppose.

The New Mega List

So, here we have the new list of 101 things to do in 1,001 days, as popularized and explained here: http://www.dayzeroproject.com/ I like their new website so much I will probably do most of my tracking there: www.dayzeroproject.com/user/foxfish But here it is for my own records (and yours of course):

Start Date: October 26, 2010
End Date: July 23rd, 2013

1. Get baby books up to date
2. Complete a 365 day photo challenge
3. Make Lorena a quilt and take it to her
4. Finish quilt for my bed
5. Finish Harmon and Sammy's quilts
6. Don't eat fast food for a month
7. Write in my journal once a month
8. Find out if there can be muscles on my stomach
9. Go surfing
10. Back up all digital photos
11. Visit a country I've never been to before
12. Write a thank you letter once a month
13. Write Ecuador book
14. Frame and hang photos
15. Learn two new songs on the piano
16. Learn photoshop
17. Swim across Lake Washington
18. Visit 3 Temples I've never been to before
19. Assemble a first aid kit to keep in the car
20. Get Sammy's passport
21. Learn two songs on the guitar
22. Finish Pigeon project for kids' room
23. Go to a waterpark
24. Watch a meteor shower
25. Buy a sailboat
26. Improve cursive skills
27. 10 new recipes I have pulled from magazines
28. Make pillow cases for couch pillows
29. Make 4 photo books: Sammy's first year, 2010, 2011, 2012
30. Get a penpal
31. Continue Project FoxFish
32. Don't complain about anything for a week
33. Take monthly photo of the kids together
34. Monthly date with Aaron
35. No TV for a week
36. Successfully garden
37. Make sourdough bread
38. Take a pottery class
39. Use already purchased swim sessions
40. Super fantastic 30th Birthday party
41. Shoot and develop two rolls of film
42. Make Sammy a doll
43. Join a club
44. Find perfect pair of shorts
45. Memorize a poem
46. Visit a state I've never been to before
47. Scan photos from album for family
48. El Jordan's tabbouli recipe
49. Whiten my teeth
50. Clean out garage
51. Do something nice for my Grandma just because
52. Clean out office closet
53. Get artwork for my bedroom
54. Get boating license
55. Plan a surprise for Aaron
56. Learn about cutting hair
57. Figure out how to finish copying old videos to DVD for mom
58. Clean out my inbox
59. No soda for one month
60. Keep my bedroom clean for a month
61. Go to another concert at the Triple Door
62. Have Justin over for dinner
63. Finish 10 started sewing projects
64. Read three books in Spanish
65. Send Birthday cards/notes to all family members for a year
66. Track all my spending for a month
67. Call the "How Am I Driving?" Number to report good driving 3 times
68. Eat something new that seems like it would be gross
69. Write in the main blog every day for a month
70. Take a photo of the other houses I have lived in growing up
71. Read 5 "classics"
72. Run around Greenlake
73. See a circus
74. Make old shirts picnic blanket
75. Restart Gratitude Journal
76. Bingo party
77. Go sailing
78. Do facebreaker for 60 seconds
79. Letters to 5 people that have changed my life
80. Get wedding ring cleaned
81. Take a picture with all my siblings
82. Try a new flavor of ice cream
83. Do meal planning for an entire month
84. Draw a picture I like
85. Write up Aaron's Spanish Dictionary
86. Do one pull up at my dad's house
87. Buy a dress I actually like
88. At least one overnight at sea (on sailboat)
89. Get scuba certified
90. Get one full night sleep. Seriously.
91. Find an on-going volunteer opportunity
92. Change car headlight (pathetic)
93. Eat only with chopsticks for a week
94. Do another swap
95. Exercise twice a week for three months straight
96. Make a cool camera strap from Allison's tutorial
97. Use my crockpot 5 times
98. See a drive-in movie
99. Give up a "regular" tv show
100. Go flying with Aaron
101. Put photos/papers/etc into fireproof box

1,001 days are done...

Wow. I mean, double wow. Somehow 1,001 days ago (ok like 1,004 now) I made a giant list of 101 things I was going to do in that time period before October 23rd, 2010, and suddenly it's over. I would say that sadly I didn't accomplish many of the things, but it's not really too sad since I spent the majority of my time between then and now with my small babies. In fact, when I made the list I was not feeling well, little did I know I had a small person just starting to grow in me. It was an ambitious list, and I am happy to have done some of the things on it, and will make another list in the next few days, likely with many of the same items carried over. Anyway, enough with the rambling, here is the detailed report to bore you (and me in the future) to death.

Start date: January 26th, 2008
Ending date: October 23rd, 2010

The list:
1. Write my Ecuador book NO: time issue
2. Finish Lorena’s quilt NO: started but moved away and left it in Ecuador
3. Turn my old shirts into tote bags YES: Sammy Rosero loved them
4. Read 12 books YES: easy
5. Come back to Ecuador again YES: 5/09
6. Get scuba certified NO: time issue
7. Make 5 iTunes play lists YES
8. Learn how to play Acoustic #3 on the guitar NO: time/babies issue
9. Begin sailing around the world with Aaron NO: money/babies issue
10. Re-learn how to crochet, make a scarf NO: desire/time issue
11. Make a quilt for my own bed NO: started... time issue
12. Have ample food storage supply YES
13. Go to bed by 10 for a week straight NO: this will likely never actually happen
14. Photograph another wedding NO: time/babies issue
15. Read camera manual all the way through NO: laziness issue
16. Buy a new lens NO: money/forgot issue
17. Hike to Leigh Lake NO: laziness issue
18. Have a baby YES: I am amazing at this one. 10/24/08, 12/15/09
19. Make a skirt YES: 9/08 it was really ugly though
20. Read the entire old testament YES: finished 10/10
21. Do pilates or yoga 2x week for two months NO: laziness issue
22. Write in my journal once a week NO: I probably wrote 5 times. laziness issue
23. Take Aaron to Disneyland NO: babies issue
24. Get my foundation set up NO: time issue
25. Go surfing 5 times NO: babies issue
26. Learn to juggle NO: laziness issue
27. Read 2 books in Spanish No: 1.5, I just forgot to do this one.
28. Visit 5 temples I have never been to NO: SLC 2/09, Vancouver 4/10
29. Donate hair to locks of love YES: 6/08, 11/09 Aaron says I can't do it anymore because of the awful haircut I got last time, hah
30. Have a real life dinner party NO: laziness issue
31. Read 2 more books on teenage self-esteem NO: I read one, the other one I had was boring. laziness issue
32. Carve a pumpkin with my husband’s face on it NO: exhaustion/time issue
33. Create storage system for all digital pictures NO: halfway there
34. Print wedding photos & put in album YES: 11/08
35. Print honeymoon photos & put in album NO: they are missing :(
36. Don’t complain at all for 1 week NO: awful person issue
37. Take some sort of class YES: Ham Radio 3/08, Birthing: 9/08
38. Visit a country I’ve never been to before NO: babies issue
39. Successfully take care of a plant for a year NO: I think it is impossible for me
40. Buy a bike at a garage sale YES: 3/10
41. Not eat at a restaurant for 2 weeks straight YES: 11/08
42. Build a bridge out of popsicle sticks or toothpicks. Put weights on it to see how much it can hold without breaking. NO: laziness issue. I even bought the popsicle sticks...
43. Write a thank you letter once a week for 6 months. NO: I wrote a lot, but not following that timeline
44. Find at least one genealogy name and do the work NO: Impossible. I tried very hard, then gave up.
45. Plan a fundraiser YES: for OSSO Spring 09
46. Can something other than jam NO: laziness issue
47. Follow Fly Lady’s schedule for one month NO: laziness issue
48. Cook 10 new recipes YES: yum
49. Do a triathlon NO: laziness issue. started training but flaked out.
50. Throw a huge party YES: anniversary, Halloweens
51. Go snowboarding twice NO: babies issue
52. Cook four dishes in the pressure cooker NO: laziness issue
53. Floss every day for a month, 3 times YES: this is probably the most amazing one on the list
54. Frame 10 photos NO: only did 7. so pathetic. laziness issue.
55. Learn a new song on the piano NO: time issue (maybe now that I own a piano...)
56. Learn how to make the ultimately delicious macaroons my dad makes NO: time/laziness issue
57. Learn to like one type of fish (is this possible?) YES: 8/08 halibut was ok, seared tuna
58. Read a book on astronomy NO: laziness issue
59. Figure out the recipe for El Jordan’s tabbouli NO: I tried one but messed it up so badly I was put off for a while. My cool mother-in-law sent me a recipe I should try.
60. Purchase the perfect croquet set NO: money issue. I apparently have expensive taste in croquet sets. But we did get a really sweet one from my mom she was getting rid of.
61. Build something out of wood NO: laziness issue
62. Carve something out of wood NO: time issue
63. Golf an entire 18 holes NO: hah! time/babies/laziness issue (wait, does mini golf count?)
64. Beat my mom at ping-pong NO: this will never happen.
65. Find a Google whack NO: they don't exist anymore
66. Get brows threaded YES: 10/10 and I loved it
67. Go snowshoeing NO: babies issue
68. Road trip to somewhere I haven’t been before NO: babies issue
69. Send a real piece of mail every month NO: I did over half, but some months it just didn't happen
70. Make baby blankets for new arrivals YES
71. Submit book to publishers NO: it has to be written first
72. Go to 10 year reunion NO: I could have done this, but didn't for many reasons
73. Give away or sell 101 things YES: now I just need to get rid of 1001 more.
74. Learn Photoshop NO: time issue
75. Join some sort of photography challenge group: NO: laziness issue
76. Skydive NO: babies issue
77. Swim across Lake Washington NO: babies issue/no summer issue/forgot issue
78. Make Aaron a suit. NO: time issue
79. Make Eden an article of clothing she will wear YES: I made her a cool headband. But then it didn't fit. But she wanted to wear it.
80. Make myself pumpkin and coconut ice cream. Separately. NO: laziness issue. the store makes it so much faster.
81. Get Ham radio license YES: 3/08
82. Acquire unbreakable habit of brushing teeth at night YES: Victory!
83. Go to the symphony with Aaron NO: time/babies issue
84. Make and keep updated address book YES: but I don't know where it is right now. still counts.
85. Create sweatpants overalls NO: laziness issue
86. Eat only healthy foods for 1 week NO: probably not possible
87. Sell something I made YES: Spring 09
88. Learn to tie 5 knots NO: laziness issue
89. Launch an Ecuadorian globo NO: opportunity issue
90. Explore stock photography options YES
91. Use my iTunes gift cards YES
92. Buy and complete a big big puzzle NO: it was awful and I hated it
93. Win a contest YES: 12/08 a cool bag which Harmon loves
94. Make a cake in the microwave YES: 1/08 mmmm
95. Go waterskiing NO: babies issue/laziness issue
96. Have a bingo party NO: forgot issue
97. Put Rosero’s videos on DVD for them NO: awful. ugh.
98. Learn 10 children’s songs in Spanish NO: I think I learned 5. laziness issue.
99. Get wedding dress cleaned and boxed YES: 10/08
100. Create will and force husband to do the same NO
101. Manage to see a sunrise without feeling like death MAYBE: I think that I was supposed to actually watch it though, so make that NO.

So, the final score is 31 out of 101 things accomplished. Despite the awful stats, I did start some of these only to find I didn't really want to do them afterall, and many of them I just didn't do my assigned number, and in those cases some is better than none (mail, journal writing, etc.) Overall, I am pleased despite my laziness. I really could have done a lot more, but being exhausted from the babies (mostly their poor sleep habits) and my natural inclination to sit around and relax really stopped me. I am excited to make another list and perhaps this time I will have a better expectation of things that I can accomplish. (I mean come on, I didn't think I would have two babies by the time the list expired, one who turned two the next day and the other 10 months no less!)

A Psychology Ramble

Admire my awful paint skills:I have been thinking a lot lately about how we have two "selfs" if you will. One being the "self" that we think we are, and the other being the actual person we are. Obviously there is overlap between the two of these, of varying degrees for different people.
Recently I have been feeling the push of the boundary of the green overlap area expanding, and it sucks. It is hard to see myself do negative things that I don't really believe are part of "who I am". You know: "I am always perfectly calm with my children" and "I would never say extra rude things to my husband" and "I am lazy, but not that lazy..." when in actuality I am not so kind to my husband and children, and I am that lazy. Etc, etc, etc.

I suppose that by seeing them it gives me the opportunity to change, right? Too bad change is hard. Ugh.

Labels of Experience

I have been thinking a lot lately about how we really tend to give people simple labels about their experiences that in actuality are a huge essence of who they are. It's not out of rudeness, it's just impossible to really understand a lot of experiences we haven't been through, even if they are some of the most defining times for a person.

Here are a few examples: he has a chronic illness, she lost a child, he lost his job, she had a baby, they adopted a child, he cares for his aging parents, etc. Simple labels that describe huge experiences. Obviously there are tons, both good and bad. And often we don't know which ones other people are or have experienced, or how much they still deal with them on a daily basis.

It's easy (but sad) to say that someone lost a child, without thinking more than a few minutes what that person's life might be like now. Obviously we feel sad for anyone in that situation, but say it happened many years ago. It's likely that we don't think about it anymore, even if they are still thinking about it and hurting every day.

I have mostly been thinking about this because I have been thinking about myself (shocker), and how much I think about Ecuador as a defining experience for me. I still think about it every. But I doubt that anyone else thinks about it any more other than a random fact in passing that I spent some time in South America. Which is fine, it just serves as a good reminder for me to always work hard to remember I don't know where people are coming from. I don't know what they are dealing with, or what they have dealt with both good and bad. So the next time before I assume someone is one way or the other, I hope that I will be able to realize there is always more to the situation than what I see on the surface.

Self-Esteem

I was up late last night thinking about a young friend of mine who is having a hard time right now, in large part due to low self-esteem. I always have felt drawn to the topic of self-esteem. Not because I have a particularly high amount myself, but because every once in a while I am blessed with a tiny glimpse of how I imagine God sees and loves certain people in my life and it is remarkable.

Why is it that women in general and especially teenage girls seem to struggle so much with self-esteem? My budding self-esteem was blessed to be nurtured every summer at church girl's camp. I always felt that the leaders and older girls genuinely cared for me, that they liked who I was no matter who I was. That coupled with the spiritual and physical beauty of the camp really hit me at my core each summer. It was somewhere I felt at home, somewhere I always fit in, no matter what else was going on in my life. I still think about those sweet leaders who took time to just listen and care about me, a source outside my home that validated me as a person, and a good person at that. That's part of it, isn't it? Even if our home is good and we are loved, we still are looking for someone outside of it to tell us we are good. Almost as if our families don't count, because they "have to like us". And what if we feel like our families don't like us? How much more do we look to outside sources for that attention/acceptance.

Several different years while in college I spent a week as a counselor at a camp for girls in Utah. I'm not sure how they would describe it, but I always nicknamed it "self-esteem" camp. It was always such an intense week, being responsible for 12 teenage girls (I usually had the 12 or 13 year olds) making sure they were in class, that they were in their rooms at night, teaching them lessons, listening to them, etc. Many of them came from good homes, but many had come from awful life experiences. At age 12. Some of my precious 12 year olds had gone through some of the worst things I could imagine at such young ages. That camp was hard. And every year after it was done when I was exhausted (mostly mentally/emotionally) beyond belief I swore I would never do it again, but I kept doing it. Because I loved it. I loved seeing the way the girls would change over the tiny period of a week. I loved seeing how me and others giving them love and time AND clear rules/boundaries/consequences affected them for good. Because if they didn't get it from somewhere good, where were they going to get it from?

And that's part of it. If you aren't getting enough of what you need from somewhere good, and you already feel bad about yourself for whatever reason, you start to look for it from anywhere you can, or from where it's easy. But that doesn't really help solve the problem, because then you are getting "what you need" and it feels "good" but on some level you know that it isn't really good or what you need at all. (I suppose alternately you sit at home being sad and lonely and that isn't really a great thing either.)

Why don't people know how wonderful they are? And I don't mean in a narcissistic way of course. I mean why don't women and girls understand how important they are, how beautiful they are, how special they are? (I'm not saying dudes are unimportant or anything, I'm just not really addressing them here.)

I think about Ecuador and what I learned with my wonderful baby orphans. I think about how much I learned about love, how much those kids who didn't know me loved me from the start, how they loved me no matter what. I think about how much I still love them, and remembering the intensity with which I felt that love and remembering how I knew then and know now that it was only the tiniest smidgen of how much God loves them and by extension me. Me! It is both unbelievable but true, all at the same time.

How much I wish I could teach someone that today. How much I wish that I could take my friend and hug her and convince her that everything really is going to be ok. And how much I wish I could make her know how beautiful, special, and important she is. Because she is.

And so are you.