I have probably never really felt comfortable being "me". I don't mean that I act differently/pretend to be someone else on purpose, I mean it more in the self-conscious kind of way. I would think it's not unusual for people (especially ladies it seems) to feel self-consious, but I always seem to feel like 100 times more than the average person. (I am so self-centered, but whatever, this is my blog!) I know there are plenty of people who are pretty confident in who they are and seem to have an effortless time of not acting self-consious, and I am constantly impressed by that.
The other day I mentioned to Aaron how where people sit in a room often says a lot about them, and joked that since I prefered the corner in the back what does that say about me? But then I thought about it and thought that although now it is more of a habit than anything, it started because I don't like the idea of people watching me without me knowing. Ridiculous, as if people might be looking at the back of my head and judging me! (What, am I 14?)
That thinking prompted more thinking about why I could possibly care what people think, at age 28.66. First, I am married. The likelihood of Aaron leaving me because my hair is ridiculous or because I am pretty jerky a lot of the time is unlikely becuase A. he alerady knew that about me and B. he is really forgiving. So although I like him to be happy and think I am a nice person, I am not particularily prone to feeling self-conscious or worried about him. Second, I have children. They do not seem to care about anything except whether I will play and cuddle with them. Also they forgive me when I am not nice or ignore their pleas for more cookies, so that tends to make me less self-conscious. Third, I have the most amazing friends, and am pretty sure that they will like me despite my flaws, and if they don't, I am cocky enough to believe it's their loss. So that leaves strangers, and really, why on earth would I care about what strangers think? (Unless of course I was behaving poorly and deserved reprimand.)
Finally, I decided that I am done being self-consious. It's not really like it came overnight, but the decision to stop acting in the same patterns did. I think a huge part of the dissolving of my self-critical thinking came when I had Harmon. I was so amazed at what I did, what I grew, the thinking followed if I can do that, I can do anything. With Sammy I seemed to lose most of my insecurities about my body. Even when I was at my thinnest I never felt (like everyone else in the world) that I was skinny. I look back at pictures now and want to go back in time and smack myself. And when I think about it like that it helps me to appreciate my body at every stage, not just at my "ideal". My body works, I have no injuries, no disabilities, I was able to grow children, make them come out of me, and feed them. So even though I am not always happy with the shape of my body, I am more happy now than I have ever been with what my body can do. So in light of these and several other self-confidence building experiences, I have decided it is high time to start feeling comfortable in my own skin.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
A post about feeeeeelings.
This post is probably a bit overly dramatic and more open than I usually care to be, but I figure since only like 3 people read this blog you will know well enough to know that it is just ramblings. -------------------------------------------------------- Sometimes I don't really notice when I enter a down period. It will slowly creep up on me and then suddenly I will go "Oh! I feel unhappy! When did that happen?" It is more or less pretty easy to reverse this situation, as it is likely I have let a lot of little easy things slip. Other times I will quickly notice what I can only describe as what feels like falling helplessly into nothing, and that is a lot scarier. Lately I have been feeling the latter. I want to pretend like "nothing I do seems to help" but honestly I am not doing much except for letting myself feel bad and not trying to do anything about it. Last night I was feeling particularly sorry for myself, enumerating (to myself) how little sleep I have been getting, how mean I have been to my children, how bored I am, how little free time I have, how bad I am at personal scripture study, how much I feel like I am lacking direction, etc. etc. In my hour (or two...) of moping around I was struck with a thought of another time I felt similarly and a song that really touched me at that time. I pulled out my trusty ancient ipod and was glad to find what I was looking for. One of the years I was a counselor at a camp for teenage girls the director gave us a CD by Kenneth Cope. Last night as I listened to this song I remembered the same thing I felt then: The best way to heal (feel better) is to let God. I think I will make myself listen to it multiple times a day until I get it through my thick skull. Breathe In Me by Kenneth Cope You breathe in me And I'm alive With the power of your holiness You breathe in me And you revive Feelings in my soul That I have laid to rest So breathe in me I need you now I've never felt so dead within So breathe in me Maybe somehow You can breathe new life in me again I used to be So sensitive To the light that leads to where you are Now I've acquired These calluses With the darkness of A cold and jaded heart So breathe in me I need you now I've never felt so dead within So breathe in me Maybe somehow You can breathe new light in me again
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Conquering the Pillowcase
I always have 10011981818 projects I have started or want to start. Some are hard, and some are easy. A long long time ago I bought pillow inserts with the intention to make cases for them. That should have been extremely easy. But for some reason I never got around to it. Something about a lot of kids or whatever. But victory is mine, as I finally made some with some old fabric I had lying around. Just 10011981817 projects left to go.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Sometimes I wonder.
I commonly am struck with the feeling that I'm not getting my fair share of trials. And what I mean by that is that I am not getting the really awful and difficult ones people around me seem to get. Don't get me wrong, I have problems and trials and such, but when I look around I can't help but notice mine seen weak in comparison.
And then I wonder. Is there something bigger? Like some awful trial that I am "saving up"? I realize it doesn't really work like that, but it still makes me a little bit nervous. I had better just enjoy the easier trials of every day life I suppose.
And then I wonder. Is there something bigger? Like some awful trial that I am "saving up"? I realize it doesn't really work like that, but it still makes me a little bit nervous. I had better just enjoy the easier trials of every day life I suppose.
Monday, November 1, 2010
The New Mega List
So, here we have the new list of 101 things to do in 1,001 days, as popularized and explained here: http://www.dayzeroproject.com/ I like their new website so much I will probably do most of my tracking there: www.dayzeroproject.com/user/foxfish But here it is for my own records (and yours of course):
Start Date: October 26, 2010
End Date: July 23rd, 2013
1. Get baby books up to date
2. Complete a 365 day photo challenge
3. Make Lorena a quilt and take it to her
4. Finish quilt for my bed
5. Finish Harmon and Sammy's quilts
6. Don't eat fast food for a month
7. Write in my journal once a month
8. Find out if there can be muscles on my stomach
9. Go surfing
10. Back up all digital photos
11. Visit a country I've never been to before
12. Write a thank you letter once a month
13. Write Ecuador book
14. Frame and hang photos
15. Learn two new songs on the piano
16. Learn photoshop
17. Swim across Lake Washington
18. Visit 3 Temples I've never been to before
19. Assemble a first aid kit to keep in the car
20. Get Sammy's passport
21. Learn two songs on the guitar
22. Finish Pigeon project for kids' room
23. Go to a waterpark
24. Watch a meteor shower
25. Buy a sailboat
26. Improve cursive skills
27. 10 new recipes I have pulled from magazines
28. Make pillow cases for couch pillows
29. Make 4 photo books: Sammy's first year, 2010, 2011, 2012
30. Get a penpal
31. Continue Project FoxFish
32. Don't complain about anything for a week
33. Take monthly photo of the kids together
34. Monthly date with Aaron
35. No TV for a week
36. Successfully garden
37. Make sourdough bread
38. Take a pottery class
39. Use already purchased swim sessions
40. Super fantastic 30th Birthday party
41. Shoot and develop two rolls of film
42. Make Sammy a doll
43. Join a club
44. Find perfect pair of shorts
45. Memorize a poem
46. Visit a state I've never been to before
47. Scan photos from album for family
48. El Jordan's tabbouli recipe
49. Whiten my teeth
50. Clean out garage
51. Do something nice for my Grandma just because
52. Clean out office closet
53. Get artwork for my bedroom
54. Get boating license
55. Plan a surprise for Aaron
56. Learn about cutting hair
57. Figure out how to finish copying old videos to DVD for mom
58. Clean out my inbox
59. No soda for one month
60. Keep my bedroom clean for a month
61. Go to another concert at the Triple Door
62. Have Justin over for dinner
63. Finish 10 started sewing projects
64. Read three books in Spanish
65. Send Birthday cards/notes to all family members for a year
66. Track all my spending for a month
67. Call the "How Am I Driving?" Number to report good driving 3 times
68. Eat something new that seems like it would be gross
69. Write in the main blog every day for a month
70. Take a photo of the other houses I have lived in growing up
71. Read 5 "classics"
72. Run around Greenlake
73. See a circus
74. Make old shirts picnic blanket
75. Restart Gratitude Journal
76. Bingo party
77. Go sailing
78. Do facebreaker for 60 seconds
79. Letters to 5 people that have changed my life
80. Get wedding ring cleaned
81. Take a picture with all my siblings
82. Try a new flavor of ice cream
83. Do meal planning for an entire month
84. Draw a picture I like
85. Write up Aaron's Spanish Dictionary
86. Do one pull up at my dad's house
87. Buy a dress I actually like
88. At least one overnight at sea (on sailboat)
89. Get scuba certified
90. Get one full night sleep. Seriously.
91. Find an on-going volunteer opportunity
92. Change car headlight (pathetic)
93. Eat only with chopsticks for a week
94. Do another swap
95. Exercise twice a week for three months straight
96. Make a cool camera strap from Allison's tutorial
97. Use my crockpot 5 times
98. See a drive-in movie
99. Give up a "regular" tv show
100. Go flying with Aaron
101. Put photos/papers/etc into fireproof box
Start Date: October 26, 2010
End Date: July 23rd, 2013
1. Get baby books up to date
2. Complete a 365 day photo challenge
3. Make Lorena a quilt and take it to her
4. Finish quilt for my bed
5. Finish Harmon and Sammy's quilts
6. Don't eat fast food for a month
7. Write in my journal once a month
8. Find out if there can be muscles on my stomach
9. Go surfing
10. Back up all digital photos
11. Visit a country I've never been to before
12. Write a thank you letter once a month
13. Write Ecuador book
14. Frame and hang photos
15. Learn two new songs on the piano
16. Learn photoshop
17. Swim across Lake Washington
18. Visit 3 Temples I've never been to before
19. Assemble a first aid kit to keep in the car
20. Get Sammy's passport
21. Learn two songs on the guitar
22. Finish Pigeon project for kids' room
23. Go to a waterpark
24. Watch a meteor shower
25. Buy a sailboat
26. Improve cursive skills
27. 10 new recipes I have pulled from magazines
28. Make pillow cases for couch pillows
29. Make 4 photo books: Sammy's first year, 2010, 2011, 2012
30. Get a penpal
31. Continue Project FoxFish
32. Don't complain about anything for a week
33. Take monthly photo of the kids together
34. Monthly date with Aaron
35. No TV for a week
36. Successfully garden
37. Make sourdough bread
38. Take a pottery class
39. Use already purchased swim sessions
40. Super fantastic 30th Birthday party
41. Shoot and develop two rolls of film
42. Make Sammy a doll
43. Join a club
44. Find perfect pair of shorts
45. Memorize a poem
46. Visit a state I've never been to before
47. Scan photos from album for family
48. El Jordan's tabbouli recipe
49. Whiten my teeth
50. Clean out garage
51. Do something nice for my Grandma just because
52. Clean out office closet
53. Get artwork for my bedroom
54. Get boating license
55. Plan a surprise for Aaron
56. Learn about cutting hair
57. Figure out how to finish copying old videos to DVD for mom
58. Clean out my inbox
59. No soda for one month
60. Keep my bedroom clean for a month
61. Go to another concert at the Triple Door
62. Have Justin over for dinner
63. Finish 10 started sewing projects
64. Read three books in Spanish
65. Send Birthday cards/notes to all family members for a year
66. Track all my spending for a month
67. Call the "How Am I Driving?" Number to report good driving 3 times
68. Eat something new that seems like it would be gross
69. Write in the main blog every day for a month
70. Take a photo of the other houses I have lived in growing up
71. Read 5 "classics"
72. Run around Greenlake
73. See a circus
74. Make old shirts picnic blanket
75. Restart Gratitude Journal
76. Bingo party
77. Go sailing
78. Do facebreaker for 60 seconds
79. Letters to 5 people that have changed my life
80. Get wedding ring cleaned
81. Take a picture with all my siblings
82. Try a new flavor of ice cream
83. Do meal planning for an entire month
84. Draw a picture I like
85. Write up Aaron's Spanish Dictionary
86. Do one pull up at my dad's house
87. Buy a dress I actually like
88. At least one overnight at sea (on sailboat)
89. Get scuba certified
90. Get one full night sleep. Seriously.
91. Find an on-going volunteer opportunity
92. Change car headlight (pathetic)
93. Eat only with chopsticks for a week
94. Do another swap
95. Exercise twice a week for three months straight
96. Make a cool camera strap from Allison's tutorial
97. Use my crockpot 5 times
98. See a drive-in movie
99. Give up a "regular" tv show
100. Go flying with Aaron
101. Put photos/papers/etc into fireproof box
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
1,001 days are done...
Wow. I mean, double wow. Somehow 1,001 days ago (ok like 1,004 now) I made a giant list of 101 things I was going to do in that time period before October 23rd, 2010, and suddenly it's over. I would say that sadly I didn't accomplish many of the things, but it's not really too sad since I spent the majority of my time between then and now with my small babies. In fact, when I made the list I was not feeling well, little did I know I had a small person just starting to grow in me. It was an ambitious list, and I am happy to have done some of the things on it, and will make another list in the next few days, likely with many of the same items carried over. Anyway, enough with the rambling, here is the detailed report to bore you (and me in the future) to death.
Start date: January 26th, 2008
Ending date: October 23rd, 2010
The list:
1. Write my Ecuador book NO: time issue
2. Finish Lorena’s quilt NO: started but moved away and left it in Ecuador
3. Turn my old shirts into tote bags YES: Sammy Rosero loved them
4. Read 12 books YES: easy
5. Come back to Ecuador again YES: 5/09
6. Get scuba certified NO: time issue
7. Make 5 iTunes play lists YES
8. Learn how to play Acoustic #3 on the guitar NO: time/babies issue
9. Begin sailing around the world with Aaron NO: money/babies issue
10. Re-learn how to crochet, make a scarf NO: desire/time issue
11. Make a quilt for my own bed NO: started... time issue
12. Have ample food storage supply YES
13. Go to bed by 10 for a week straight NO: this will likely never actually happen
14. Photograph another wedding NO: time/babies issue
15. Read camera manual all the way through NO: laziness issue
16. Buy a new lens NO: money/forgot issue
17. Hike to Leigh Lake NO: laziness issue
18. Have a baby YES: I am amazing at this one. 10/24/08, 12/15/09
19. Make a skirt YES: 9/08 it was really ugly though
20. Read the entire old testament YES: finished 10/10
21. Do pilates or yoga 2x week for two months NO: laziness issue
22. Write in my journal once a week NO: I probably wrote 5 times. laziness issue
23. Take Aaron to Disneyland NO: babies issue
24. Get my foundation set up NO: time issue
25. Go surfing 5 times NO: babies issue
26. Learn to juggle NO: laziness issue
27. Read 2 books in Spanish No: 1.5, I just forgot to do this one.
28. Visit 5 temples I have never been to NO: SLC 2/09, Vancouver 4/10
29. Donate hair to locks of love YES: 6/08, 11/09 Aaron says I can't do it anymore because of the awful haircut I got last time, hah
30. Have a real life dinner party NO: laziness issue
31. Read 2 more books on teenage self-esteem NO: I read one, the other one I had was boring. laziness issue
32. Carve a pumpkin with my husband’s face on it NO: exhaustion/time issue
33. Create storage system for all digital pictures NO: halfway there
34. Print wedding photos & put in album YES: 11/08
35. Print honeymoon photos & put in album NO: they are missing :(
36. Don’t complain at all for 1 week NO: awful person issue
37. Take some sort of class YES: Ham Radio 3/08, Birthing: 9/08
38. Visit a country I’ve never been to before NO: babies issue
39. Successfully take care of a plant for a year NO: I think it is impossible for me
40. Buy a bike at a garage sale YES: 3/10
41. Not eat at a restaurant for 2 weeks straight YES: 11/08
42. Build a bridge out of popsicle sticks or toothpicks. Put weights on it to see how much it can hold without breaking. NO: laziness issue. I even bought the popsicle sticks...
43. Write a thank you letter once a week for 6 months. NO: I wrote a lot, but not following that timeline
44. Find at least one genealogy name and do the work NO: Impossible. I tried very hard, then gave up.
45. Plan a fundraiser YES: for OSSO Spring 09
46. Can something other than jam NO: laziness issue
47. Follow Fly Lady’s schedule for one month NO: laziness issue
48. Cook 10 new recipes YES: yum
49. Do a triathlon NO: laziness issue. started training but flaked out.
50. Throw a huge party YES: anniversary, Halloweens
51. Go snowboarding twice NO: babies issue
52. Cook four dishes in the pressure cooker NO: laziness issue
53. Floss every day for a month, 3 times YES: this is probably the most amazing one on the list
54. Frame 10 photos NO: only did 7. so pathetic. laziness issue.
55. Learn a new song on the piano NO: time issue (maybe now that I own a piano...)
56. Learn how to make the ultimately delicious macaroons my dad makes NO: time/laziness issue
57. Learn to like one type of fish (is this possible?) YES: 8/08 halibut was ok, seared tuna
58. Read a book on astronomy NO: laziness issue
59. Figure out the recipe for El Jordan’s tabbouli NO: I tried one but messed it up so badly I was put off for a while. My cool mother-in-law sent me a recipe I should try.
60. Purchase the perfect croquet set NO: money issue. I apparently have expensive taste in croquet sets. But we did get a really sweet one from my mom she was getting rid of.
61. Build something out of wood NO: laziness issue
62. Carve something out of wood NO: time issue
63. Golf an entire 18 holes NO: hah! time/babies/laziness issue (wait, does mini golf count?)
64. Beat my mom at ping-pong NO: this will never happen.
65. Find a Google whack NO: they don't exist anymore
66. Get brows threaded YES: 10/10 and I loved it
67. Go snowshoeing NO: babies issue
68. Road trip to somewhere I haven’t been before NO: babies issue
69. Send a real piece of mail every month NO: I did over half, but some months it just didn't happen
70. Make baby blankets for new arrivals YES
71. Submit book to publishers NO: it has to be written first
72. Go to 10 year reunion NO: I could have done this, but didn't for many reasons
73. Give away or sell 101 things YES: now I just need to get rid of 1001 more.
74. Learn Photoshop NO: time issue
75. Join some sort of photography challenge group: NO: laziness issue
76. Skydive NO: babies issue
77. Swim across Lake Washington NO: babies issue/no summer issue/forgot issue
78. Make Aaron a suit. NO: time issue
79. Make Eden an article of clothing she will wear YES: I made her a cool headband. But then it didn't fit. But she wanted to wear it.
80. Make myself pumpkin and coconut ice cream. Separately. NO: laziness issue. the store makes it so much faster.
81. Get Ham radio license YES: 3/08
82. Acquire unbreakable habit of brushing teeth at night YES: Victory!
83. Go to the symphony with Aaron NO: time/babies issue
84. Make and keep updated address book YES: but I don't know where it is right now. still counts.
85. Create sweatpants overalls NO: laziness issue
86. Eat only healthy foods for 1 week NO: probably not possible
87. Sell something I made YES: Spring 09
88. Learn to tie 5 knots NO: laziness issue
89. Launch an Ecuadorian globo NO: opportunity issue
90. Explore stock photography options YES
91. Use my iTunes gift cards YES
92. Buy and complete a big big puzzle NO: it was awful and I hated it
93. Win a contest YES: 12/08 a cool bag which Harmon loves
94. Make a cake in the microwave YES: 1/08 mmmm
95. Go waterskiing NO: babies issue/laziness issue
96. Have a bingo party NO: forgot issue
97. Put Rosero’s videos on DVD for them NO: awful. ugh.
98. Learn 10 children’s songs in Spanish NO: I think I learned 5. laziness issue.
99. Get wedding dress cleaned and boxed YES: 10/08
100. Create will and force husband to do the same NO
101. Manage to see a sunrise without feeling like death MAYBE: I think that I was supposed to actually watch it though, so make that NO.
So, the final score is 31 out of 101 things accomplished. Despite the awful stats, I did start some of these only to find I didn't really want to do them afterall, and many of them I just didn't do my assigned number, and in those cases some is better than none (mail, journal writing, etc.) Overall, I am pleased despite my laziness. I really could have done a lot more, but being exhausted from the babies (mostly their poor sleep habits) and my natural inclination to sit around and relax really stopped me. I am excited to make another list and perhaps this time I will have a better expectation of things that I can accomplish. (I mean come on, I didn't think I would have two babies by the time the list expired, one who turned two the next day and the other 10 months no less!)
Start date: January 26th, 2008
Ending date: October 23rd, 2010
The list:
1. Write my Ecuador book NO: time issue
2. Finish Lorena’s quilt NO: started but moved away and left it in Ecuador
3. Turn my old shirts into tote bags YES: Sammy Rosero loved them
4. Read 12 books YES: easy
5. Come back to Ecuador again YES: 5/09
6. Get scuba certified NO: time issue
7. Make 5 iTunes play lists YES
8. Learn how to play Acoustic #3 on the guitar NO: time/babies issue
9. Begin sailing around the world with Aaron NO: money/babies issue
10. Re-learn how to crochet, make a scarf NO: desire/time issue
11. Make a quilt for my own bed NO: started... time issue
12. Have ample food storage supply YES
13. Go to bed by 10 for a week straight NO: this will likely never actually happen
14. Photograph another wedding NO: time/babies issue
15. Read camera manual all the way through NO: laziness issue
16. Buy a new lens NO: money/forgot issue
17. Hike to Leigh Lake NO: laziness issue
18. Have a baby YES: I am amazing at this one. 10/24/08, 12/15/09
19. Make a skirt YES: 9/08 it was really ugly though
20. Read the entire old testament YES: finished 10/10
21. Do pilates or yoga 2x week for two months NO: laziness issue
22. Write in my journal once a week NO: I probably wrote 5 times. laziness issue
23. Take Aaron to Disneyland NO: babies issue
24. Get my foundation set up NO: time issue
25. Go surfing 5 times NO: babies issue
26. Learn to juggle NO: laziness issue
27. Read 2 books in Spanish No: 1.5, I just forgot to do this one.
28. Visit 5 temples I have never been to NO: SLC 2/09, Vancouver 4/10
29. Donate hair to locks of love YES: 6/08, 11/09 Aaron says I can't do it anymore because of the awful haircut I got last time, hah
30. Have a real life dinner party NO: laziness issue
31. Read 2 more books on teenage self-esteem NO: I read one, the other one I had was boring. laziness issue
32. Carve a pumpkin with my husband’s face on it NO: exhaustion/time issue
33. Create storage system for all digital pictures NO: halfway there
34. Print wedding photos & put in album YES: 11/08
35. Print honeymoon photos & put in album NO: they are missing :(
36. Don’t complain at all for 1 week NO: awful person issue
37. Take some sort of class YES: Ham Radio 3/08, Birthing: 9/08
38. Visit a country I’ve never been to before NO: babies issue
39. Successfully take care of a plant for a year NO: I think it is impossible for me
40. Buy a bike at a garage sale YES: 3/10
41. Not eat at a restaurant for 2 weeks straight YES: 11/08
42. Build a bridge out of popsicle sticks or toothpicks. Put weights on it to see how much it can hold without breaking. NO: laziness issue. I even bought the popsicle sticks...
43. Write a thank you letter once a week for 6 months. NO: I wrote a lot, but not following that timeline
44. Find at least one genealogy name and do the work NO: Impossible. I tried very hard, then gave up.
45. Plan a fundraiser YES: for OSSO Spring 09
46. Can something other than jam NO: laziness issue
47. Follow Fly Lady’s schedule for one month NO: laziness issue
48. Cook 10 new recipes YES: yum
49. Do a triathlon NO: laziness issue. started training but flaked out.
50. Throw a huge party YES: anniversary, Halloweens
51. Go snowboarding twice NO: babies issue
52. Cook four dishes in the pressure cooker NO: laziness issue
53. Floss every day for a month, 3 times YES: this is probably the most amazing one on the list
54. Frame 10 photos NO: only did 7. so pathetic. laziness issue.
55. Learn a new song on the piano NO: time issue (maybe now that I own a piano...)
56. Learn how to make the ultimately delicious macaroons my dad makes NO: time/laziness issue
57. Learn to like one type of fish (is this possible?) YES: 8/08 halibut was ok, seared tuna
58. Read a book on astronomy NO: laziness issue
59. Figure out the recipe for El Jordan’s tabbouli NO: I tried one but messed it up so badly I was put off for a while. My cool mother-in-law sent me a recipe I should try.
60. Purchase the perfect croquet set NO: money issue. I apparently have expensive taste in croquet sets. But we did get a really sweet one from my mom she was getting rid of.
61. Build something out of wood NO: laziness issue
62. Carve something out of wood NO: time issue
63. Golf an entire 18 holes NO: hah! time/babies/laziness issue (wait, does mini golf count?)
64. Beat my mom at ping-pong NO: this will never happen.
65. Find a Google whack NO: they don't exist anymore
66. Get brows threaded YES: 10/10 and I loved it
67. Go snowshoeing NO: babies issue
68. Road trip to somewhere I haven’t been before NO: babies issue
69. Send a real piece of mail every month NO: I did over half, but some months it just didn't happen
70. Make baby blankets for new arrivals YES
71. Submit book to publishers NO: it has to be written first
72. Go to 10 year reunion NO: I could have done this, but didn't for many reasons
73. Give away or sell 101 things YES: now I just need to get rid of 1001 more.
74. Learn Photoshop NO: time issue
75. Join some sort of photography challenge group: NO: laziness issue
76. Skydive NO: babies issue
77. Swim across Lake Washington NO: babies issue/no summer issue/forgot issue
78. Make Aaron a suit. NO: time issue
79. Make Eden an article of clothing she will wear YES: I made her a cool headband. But then it didn't fit. But she wanted to wear it.
80. Make myself pumpkin and coconut ice cream. Separately. NO: laziness issue. the store makes it so much faster.
81. Get Ham radio license YES: 3/08
82. Acquire unbreakable habit of brushing teeth at night YES: Victory!
83. Go to the symphony with Aaron NO: time/babies issue
84. Make and keep updated address book YES: but I don't know where it is right now. still counts.
85. Create sweatpants overalls NO: laziness issue
86. Eat only healthy foods for 1 week NO: probably not possible
87. Sell something I made YES: Spring 09
88. Learn to tie 5 knots NO: laziness issue
89. Launch an Ecuadorian globo NO: opportunity issue
90. Explore stock photography options YES
91. Use my iTunes gift cards YES
92. Buy and complete a big big puzzle NO: it was awful and I hated it
93. Win a contest YES: 12/08 a cool bag which Harmon loves
94. Make a cake in the microwave YES: 1/08 mmmm
95. Go waterskiing NO: babies issue/laziness issue
96. Have a bingo party NO: forgot issue
97. Put Rosero’s videos on DVD for them NO: awful. ugh.
98. Learn 10 children’s songs in Spanish NO: I think I learned 5. laziness issue.
99. Get wedding dress cleaned and boxed YES: 10/08
100. Create will and force husband to do the same NO
101. Manage to see a sunrise without feeling like death MAYBE: I think that I was supposed to actually watch it though, so make that NO.
So, the final score is 31 out of 101 things accomplished. Despite the awful stats, I did start some of these only to find I didn't really want to do them afterall, and many of them I just didn't do my assigned number, and in those cases some is better than none (mail, journal writing, etc.) Overall, I am pleased despite my laziness. I really could have done a lot more, but being exhausted from the babies (mostly their poor sleep habits) and my natural inclination to sit around and relax really stopped me. I am excited to make another list and perhaps this time I will have a better expectation of things that I can accomplish. (I mean come on, I didn't think I would have two babies by the time the list expired, one who turned two the next day and the other 10 months no less!)
Friday, October 1, 2010
A Psychology Ramble
Admire my awful paint skills:
I have been thinking a lot lately about how we have two "selfs" if you will. One being the "self" that we think we are, and the other being the actual person we are. Obviously there is overlap between the two of these, of varying degrees for different people.
Recently I have been feeling the push of the boundary of the green overlap area expanding, and it sucks. It is hard to see myself do negative things that I don't really believe are part of "who I am". You know: "I am always perfectly calm with my children" and "I would never say extra rude things to my husband" and "I am lazy, but not that lazy..." when in actuality I am not so kind to my husband and children, and I am that lazy. Etc, etc, etc.
I suppose that by seeing them it gives me the opportunity to change, right? Too bad change is hard. Ugh.
I have been thinking a lot lately about how we have two "selfs" if you will. One being the "self" that we think we are, and the other being the actual person we are. Obviously there is overlap between the two of these, of varying degrees for different people. Recently I have been feeling the push of the boundary of the green overlap area expanding, and it sucks. It is hard to see myself do negative things that I don't really believe are part of "who I am". You know: "I am always perfectly calm with my children" and "I would never say extra rude things to my husband" and "I am lazy, but not that lazy..." when in actuality I am not so kind to my husband and children, and I am that lazy. Etc, etc, etc.
I suppose that by seeing them it gives me the opportunity to change, right? Too bad change is hard. Ugh.
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