Never Before and Never Since...

Several months ago Aaron and I popped in a DVD I made from photos of the kids in Ecuador from 2004. It's set to music, and meant to make you cry, if you are wussy like me. Turns out I am wussy like me. Anyway, the first song is 10,000 Maniacs "These Are The Days". And I thought as I watched it and listened to the lyrics that say "never before and never since...will the whole world be warm as this" as I have thought many times before, how true it is.

When I watch that video, when I think about those kids, when I think about the time I spent in Ecuador, I feel that so deeply. It was such a magical amazing time. And going back is never the same. It can't be. And that makes going back hurt. Even if going back is fun, and fulfilling, and wonderful, it's just not the same, and it never will be. And that's ok.

When I hear that song I also think of my freshman year of college. The same song is played over a video that the lovely Jacki created of video clips. And I feel the same but different about that period in my life too. I think about all the fun we had, how late we stayed up, how much annoyance we must have caused other people, how easy it was to be carefree, and how I didn't know how good I had it. But life will never be like that again. And that's ok too.

Because now I'm in a different chapter of life. One that some days seems so monotonous and dull, but is filled with so many moments of explosive joy and happiness. It's so easy (in every stage of life) to think back on the past longingly, to think it can't compare to right now, and really, sometimes it can't. During truly rough periods the past is far better than the present. But I think more often than not, we are in a stage in life that we will later look back on fondly. I sometimes find myself wishing that Harmon was a little older, but I know like all other parents on the planet that when he is I will miss little(ish) H. I will miss his army crawl and screaming "maaaaaaaa" (mas, which means more) at dinner, and I will think about how the world never was so warm, and that it won't be again, at least not in the same way. But that's what's great. If I stop and think about it, I can more fully enjoy right now and make even greater memories. And that's pretty great. As the song says, I do know I'm blessed and lucky.

I guess I was feeling emotional. I blame pregnancy.

Night Mind

I write the best blog posts. While laying in bed at night trying to sleep. Oh, they are so witty and filled with interesting hilarious things. And then the next day, I have no idea what I wanted to write about. It really is a tragedy.

But what's that about anyway? Why is it when I lay down I can't just go to sleep? I'm not a worrier. I don't sit up half the night thinking about all the things I need to do, haven't done, problems, whatever. I sit up (ok lay down) half the night thinking about stupid random things. And often successfully manage to keep Aaron up way later than he wants listening to me ramble. "Remember today when that lady cut me off? She was a bad driver." "Do you think I should buy Harmon some new pants, his are getting small." "Stop snoring." See? All REALLY stupid unnecessary things (ok except stop snoring.)

Anyway. I wish I knew how to solve this problem. Maybe if I just brought my laptop to bed I could write funny blogs and stop thinking about minuscule details of the day. Or I could sleep. I'm just sayin.