Wednesday, April 6, 2011
A post about feeeeeelings.
This post is probably a bit overly dramatic and more open than I usually care to be, but I figure since only like 3 people read this blog you will know well enough to know that it is just ramblings. -------------------------------------------------------- Sometimes I don't really notice when I enter a down period. It will slowly creep up on me and then suddenly I will go "Oh! I feel unhappy! When did that happen?" It is more or less pretty easy to reverse this situation, as it is likely I have let a lot of little easy things slip. Other times I will quickly notice what I can only describe as what feels like falling helplessly into nothing, and that is a lot scarier. Lately I have been feeling the latter. I want to pretend like "nothing I do seems to help" but honestly I am not doing much except for letting myself feel bad and not trying to do anything about it. Last night I was feeling particularly sorry for myself, enumerating (to myself) how little sleep I have been getting, how mean I have been to my children, how bored I am, how little free time I have, how bad I am at personal scripture study, how much I feel like I am lacking direction, etc. etc. In my hour (or two...) of moping around I was struck with a thought of another time I felt similarly and a song that really touched me at that time. I pulled out my trusty ancient ipod and was glad to find what I was looking for. One of the years I was a counselor at a camp for teenage girls the director gave us a CD by Kenneth Cope. Last night as I listened to this song I remembered the same thing I felt then: The best way to heal (feel better) is to let God. I think I will make myself listen to it multiple times a day until I get it through my thick skull. Breathe In Me by Kenneth Cope You breathe in me And I'm alive With the power of your holiness You breathe in me And you revive Feelings in my soul That I have laid to rest So breathe in me I need you now I've never felt so dead within So breathe in me Maybe somehow You can breathe new life in me again I used to be So sensitive To the light that leads to where you are Now I've acquired These calluses With the darkness of A cold and jaded heart So breathe in me I need you now I've never felt so dead within So breathe in me Maybe somehow You can breathe new light in me again
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4 comments:
thanks for that kelsey. i've been feeling down myself lately. i know that i need an attitude adjustment. it's amazing to me how powerful music can be (both in good and bad ways). i'll see if i can get my hands on that song.
I struggle with this quite a bit myself, depending on the season (the literal season, not 'the season of my life') and how much I force myself to get out, etc. One effective (and painful) remedy is to fast about it. It works. Weekdays are even better for it -- somehow it feels more consecrated because you have to work against your normal routine. I don't do it often enough for this problem, but it works when I do.
However, if music will do the same for you, do that. :)
I was just thinking about you yesterday and wanted to have you over or come visit you. Love you!
IMO... you are not getting enough sleep. When you are tired EVERYTHING looks bleak. When you are tired, discouragement creeps in and certainly depression takes over.
You need to find ways to get some rest. Perhaps Aaron can take the kids away for a couple hours a week, and YOU go to bed.
Or, bring them here, go home and take a nap. Everything will look brighter when you feel rested.
IMO!
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