The Whole Story, More or Less

Tuesday the 21st we went to the midwife for a check, as I was 9 days overdue. Everything sounded and looked good, and I was dilated to a 1.5ish. The next day I went to the clinic at the hospital to have an ultrasound and non-stress test, to make sure everything really was ok with my little guy. At the ultrasound the technician announced "Looks like he's 9.5lbs!" The doctor then confirmed this, but tried to make me feel better, telling me that it's not very accurate over 9lbs (so I was thinking ok, maybe he's 9 and a hair... oh future self is laughing right now). But everything looked great, heart, lungs, etc, and so they said they would see me back on Friday if I hadn't delivered yet.

My midwife told me she would sweep my membranes Wednesday morning, but never called and when I called her she was asleep-she had been up all night at a delivery. We planned to talk after my ultrasound and then meet after to do the sweep. When we talked after she was concerned that doing the sweep would make me go into labor that night, and thought starting in the morning would be better (plus I'm sure she was still tired from the night before).

Wednesday night we went to my mom's for a while and hung out with Caelin playing Wii Fit. Now when everyone gives advice for what to do to go into labor, I will be chiming in that playing hula hoop on Wii Fit is the answer. We went home and went to bed, and about 11:45 I woke up with a contraction. I was excited, but managed to go back to sleep. I had a couple more, about an hour apart, and I was sleeping between them. By morning they were 15-20 min apart, and I stopped sleeping through them around 7. I got out of bed by 8, and Aaron and I hung around the house, packing 40 million things we didn't need to take with us, making cookies, and being excited. A bit before noon we went to Robinswood park and the Temple to walk around. After I wanted lunch, so I made the excellent choice of Las Margaritas so I could partake of their chips and salsa and a cheese enchilada. Maybe not the BEST choice, but it seemed good enough at the time. By then I was having contractions 5-7 min apart. I told Aaron it was like a funny secret, although later on it was a lot less funny.

After lunch we went to my mom's, to say hi, to pass time, etc. We played yahtzee and Aaron played Wii Fit Hula, and my mom started timing contractions. At about 3:30 we called the midwife to tell her the contractions were 5 min apart for an hour. She said call back when they were stronger. So we walked around the block a couple times, and they were closer together, and stronger as well. I was starting to lose my happiness, and my mom and Aaron were concerned. We called the midwife and she said to just keep waiting, but after a bit we put in another call and convinced her to meet us at the birthing center. We met her around 5:45 and she checked me. I was dilated only to a 2, but was now fully effaced. We sat around talking to her and the assistant, and they essentially sent us back home to try to watch a movie.

Driving away out of the parking lot my body decided it was time to see lunch again, and since all I had was a blanket, out it came into the blanket. Fun. We went back to my mom's, and I took a shower while Aaron ate dinner. The shower felt great except for needing to get on the floor every couple minutes in intense pain (or so I thought it was intense pain at the time!) After the shower I laid on the floor in horrifying pain, and tried to eat some trail mix and juice. I say tried because I lost what I ate two more times. Eventually I thought the baby better come out soon so we went back to the birth center. It was about 9 when we got there. I managed to get one more barfing in, in the car, but this time I was prepared with a bowl.

When we got back to the birth center I got checked and was dilated to a 6. Good progress, but let's not lie, I wanted to be a 10 right then. At this point my timeline becomes hazy, as I was in and out of it the rest of the time. They let me get in the tub, which was nice, but slowed down my contractions so I eventually had to get out. Then I sat on the birthing stool for a while, which is the evilest contraption known to woman. Ok, maybe not all are, but this one was pipes formed into a bottomless chair with just a bit of foam for padding. If you like your legs to fall asleep, this is the chair for you. At some point I was checked and dilated to an 8. At some point I got back into the tub and was real happy. I think I was dilated to a 9.5, with just a lip left. The midwife assistant was having me push, trying to get the baby's head around it. This was totally unsuccessful, and again the tub made my contractions slow down, so out I was forced again. I was so sad, the warm tub was the only happy place. They moved me to the bed, on my side/stomach and I endured what was the most most most horrible pain (until the pushing) while being told "relax, calm your body" to which I responded by yelling "I CAN'T". They told me later I wasn't really yelling, but it sure felt like I was. I slept (sort of) in between contractions, and at one point I am told by Aaron I went 10 minutes without a contraction. I was probably happy, but that was obviously not the best thing to have happen.

At some point (as I said, time became very abstract) I was moved to the birth stool again (boooo) and was there pushing for a while. Later I was moved to the toilet because I kept yelling that I needed to go... TMI of course, I didn't really need to go, just felt like it. After a while of pushing on the toilet, I got back to the birth stool. Again, boooo. Pushing and pushing and pushing and eventually the midwife assistant says "ok I see the head!" They find a mirror and try to show me but the baby has slipped back up. This is the most frustrating part, as now I am pushing and every time I get done with a contraction the baby slips back up and all my work is in vain. They tell me this is normal, and each give me some formula as follows: first push gets baby back where he was, second push stretches, third push moves him farther, and fourth push is icing on the cake. I just wanted it to stop!!! The entire time I am thinking: why am I so stupid, why did I choose this, I need drugs, all of Harmon's siblings will be born at the hospital, somebody get this kid out of me by any means necessary, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Eventually they are able to show me and Aaron the head and I think: Oh no, that is NOT going to fit out there!!!!!!!!!!! They tell me that seeing the head will motivate me to push him out, and I am thinking, no, it is motivating me to panic and want this all to end! Ah, around 6 or so (according to Aaron who knew what time it was) they put an IV in me because I had only gatorade and water in me and was exhausted. I went through two bags of that, and since I had been in labor so long, I was on my third round of antibiotics for group B strep. They don't often give IVs, and as a result poked me at least twice before being successful. I had a cool bruise later on.

Ok, so back to the pushing. Aaron says I pushed for about 3 hours total, and although lots of ladies say pushing felt good to them, it did not to me. Not only did I have the infamous burning, I also had horrible awful pain, and was thinking I cannot do this, there is no way. At some point I asked Aaron to say a prayer, so we all stopped and he said a prayer. Somehow after that I managed to birth my child. I figure it was only because of the prayer, because I was not having much success before (even my midwife admitted she was thinking of the hospital, needing a vacuum extraction or forceps) I finally managed to get him out when he got lodged at the end, and I didn't want to lose anymore ground that time. Aaron said "one more push!" and two later I shot my child's head out of me! Next a small push shot the rest of him out into Aaron's waiting hands. (My midwife later told me they wouldn't let me back into the tub which I had been begging for because by this point they had realized he was real big and were worried about a rough shoulder delivery).

Aaron handed him to me and all pain stopped, and I looked at him and thought: WHAT? This kid is giant, look at those hands and feet!!! And I loved him even more than I did when he was on the inside. Side note: Aaron now believes me that my baby was tickling me, and hurting me with his strong feet once he saw how big they all were. Aaron took Harmon back and I delivered the placenta real easy like. Then they let me get back into the waiting happy bathtub and cuddle my beautiful giant baby. Oh yeah, he came out at 7:44am, which was totally shocking to me, as I thought it was still night, but that's a good thing, meaning time warped for shorter.

Aaron made phone calls, my mom and Caelin showed up, they weighed and measured my giant... 10lbs 12oz, 23inches, and a head circumference of 38cm, which Aaron and I calculated the radius to be a bit over 12 cm, explaining a whole lot of the pain and aftermath I am still feeling.

They had me try to go to the bathroom, but instead I got dizzy and got an oxygen mask. Later when I was still unable I got a catheter stuck in me to drain my bladder. Awful, I don't recommend that. At some point I got sewn back together. That took about 45min, and I was told it was the worst the midwife had ever seen. I feel both proud and horrified by that.

After a bunch of laying around, we went home around 2pm, and lived happily ever after. Well sort of. We have probably the best baby ever. He loves sleeping a lot. That's great except for the first little while when we were unable to wake him up and feed him. Now we are much better at waking up and eating, but still doing a great amount of sleeping. We are probably the best looking new parents alive. I'm only kidding, but we do feel extra blessed with such a good kid. I probably have fared the worst, as I am still recovering over two weeks later. I think it could be summed up by the previous descriptions of the giant coming out the birth canal, and me still not being able to sit, even on soft things. Ok, I can sit on soft things, for like 20 min at a time. I spend most my day laying down. Aaron was home the first two weeks, the first week on vacation and the second working from home. We would have been lost without him!!! Today he is back at work and we miss him. But baby puggy has been mostly well behaved and is currently snoozing while I lay around on the bed. The end, for now.

(Evil, just say no)

{March 2011 update: for those of you just reading this from a link, who want to read about my second baby born at home, feel free to click here}